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Optimum Efficiency

I defy anyone to find someone more efficient than a mother of multiples during the morning nap.


Now ‘efficiency’, for those of you who know me well, might not be a word you readily associate with me, BUT, now that I’m a parent, it goes hand-in-hand with my greatest super-power; a phrase which my university tutor used to describe my final degree grade and which may just be one of my greatest achievements: The Ultimate Economy of Effort. (In hindsight, I occasionally wonder if my tutor might not have meant it as a compliment, but to this day I swear he sounded impressed as he cheerily told me from behind his Penfold-like glasses in his fusty old office, that I had done the absolute minimum to guarantee myself the grade that I wanted.)


You see, as a twin mum, everything is easier when the babies are asleep. Anyone who has had babies (or friends with babies) will know that sleep can be a somewhat contentious subject. Just imagine if that magical nap period had to be coordinated across two babies. Sometimes one baby refuses to sleep until approximately 30 seconds before the other baby wakes up. Joyous days. Often punctuated by crying (strangely, not mine).


This means, that each day I get thirty minutes (max, usually just 15, occasionally none) to myself in which to: wash and sterilise 10 bottles, teats and lids (compulsory), eat breakfast (compulsory), unload the dishwasher and wipe the kitchen benches (reluctantly), shower (optional), dress (recommended), put in contact lenses and apply make-up (rarely, but helps with morale when I catch sight of myself in the mirror during nappy changes), unpack the dog food delivery into a packed freezer (weekly), and tidy the place up a bit (extremely rarely, unfortunately for my poor house-proud husband).


Today though, I hit the jackpot! Both babies went to sleep THE SAME MINUTE, which meant that I would get a full sleep-cycle to do my daily duties! (As I type this, Vince has woken up early, after just 26 minutes – dammit!) Until now, I honestly can’t say I ever got much pleasure out of the process of doing any of the above list. It could be middle-age, but I’m fairly sure it’s parenthood. It makes even the most mundane little thing seem like an absolute gift from God when it means you get a few moments to yourself. You even kid yourself that it’s doing ‘what you want to do’, when actually most of it is just about trying to achieve a barely socially acceptable level of personal hygiene and keeping the house in a state that isn’t a public health concern.


And with that, Len awakes, and my blissful “me-time” is over! Today, I shall be mostly managing the frustrated wails of two babies who both want to crawl but can’t quite figure out how, whilst hobbling about with 'tennis leg' (a name which makes it sound much less debilitating than it is). Pray for me.


Nappies Changed Today: 4

Poopy Nappies: 3

Breach Nappies: 1

Baby outfit changes: 2


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